The ‘Golden Era’ of Valentines

So, in light of the queen bee of all love days happening this past Tuesday, I thought I’d focus in on a Valentines blog post. Earlier this week, my brother posted a picture on Facebook of my young nephew, all decked out in his best v-neck sweater, a crisp, collared shirt underneath, and a stylish gelled ‘do. At the impressionable age of 5 years old, my nephew has already realized that on Valentines Day, he should dress handsome for school, “cause girls like it when boys dress handsome.” [insert melted heart here]

Such a little gentleman!

Knowing he is my brothers son, I am assuming also he already knows that ‘the handsome boy’ in class always gets the most Valentines cards. Isn’t it all about numbers at that age anyway?!

Well, whatever his reason was for dressing like a stud that day, he definitely scored a large haul of Valentines cards from his little classmates, which, based on the politically correct era we live in today, I assume looked alot like these:

Fairly tame, considering it wasn’t long ago that Valentines cards possessed a slightly (to put it gently) creepy stalker psycho-minded suicidal/racial “edge”?! It blows my mind that these would have made it past the art directors of our grandparents generation. “Great job designers! Nothing says I love you more than a depressed skunk threatening to end his life based on whether he receives love in return.” Here are a handful I dug up for you to enjoy, in all their romantic glory.

Nothing like a little love tap in the form of a speeding red car driven by a white gloved, visor wearing man-boy. She obviously doesn't mind.

Freaky little toque wearing leopard. This is what nightmares are made of.

This little guy doesn't stand a chance. So much anger. Him and his angry little dog. Must be the fact that he's wearing a unitard. I'd be angry too.

Just a smidge of racial stereotyping. Besides that fact, I can't quite decide if its awesome to get a Valentine from a mad iron-crazed old lady (man?)

Ummm. A little girl pulling a Britney Spears in the freezer, asking to be 'de-frosted'?? Who told her it was a good idea to get in there in the first place?!

This guy reminds me of those dolls that come to life while your sleeping, stalking you with their mini fine-tooth combs & straight edge razors. He also looks like he wants to cut more than just stubble if you don't pick him as your guy.

Ugh. Another freaky nightmare inducing cat-dog-wolf. I'm sure he's friendly. I mean he's wearing a pretty green bow and has eyes the color of sunflowers. Very trustworthy.

Ok. So little sailor person, grinding on a switchblade huh? Who WOULDN'T love that. It's getting awfully close to his achilles tendon though. This could end bad.

So is the monkey back catcher eyeing up the pig? Are the little heart messages their conversation to each other? Seems to be alot of confusion going on here if you ask me.

Ok little chubby faced hungry man with the bad haircut. You are gonna be sitting there a looooong lonely HUNGRY time with that kind of attitude (and because you wear the tablecloth as a bib).

Eeeek... the stalker card. Mr. Magic Ray with the abnormally large melon and salmon colored tights just won't take no for an answer. Can you blame her though??

Ummm... maybe you should just try laying low for awhile little guy, maybe sit the next round out. All that matching khaki is enough to drive anyone mad.

Seriously. What was with the idea that a menacing angry animal was the way to make your crush feel all warm and fuzzy inside?! Very convincing sign, Mr Wolf.

Sad little skunk... please don't do it... it will get better I promise!! The worst part of this is his plan to make sure he's never found 🙁

This is just simple-ly a very bad Valentines card. *shudder*

Aww. Little girl. Little dog. Sharing ice cream, or maybe an impossibly large strawberry. Dogs have cleaner mouths than humans don't they? Especially after they have just given themselves a bath with their tongue, right? Aww so cute.

This has got to be the cutest STD ever.

Mr. Drifty Eyes should probably not be moseying around with a knife pointed at his cute apple cheeked face. Again, here we go with the silly threat of your love, or having this little angel showing up on your doorstep around midnight after hanging out with the shaving man doll too long.

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